Is it possible to know someone that you’ve never even met?

Before diving deep into Mac’s music, my definitive answer to this question would be a plain no. I am a person that connects better through face to face interaction and i would even dare to say that you can’t truly keep a relationship alive if there is no intimacy. However, as my dear friend Mac says, i’m always sayin i won’t change but i ain’t the same. Ever since i met him, my view shifted a little bit, track by track, because before he left this world he had his soul imprinted into his lyrics. He died at the young age of 26 but he had already published six studio albums, with the last one Circles being released posthumously.

However, the album Swimming, is the best one i have ever heard. Perhaps, you can find albums that are more profitable, award winning and musically superior. I believe, though, that this is the beauty of music, each one of us is able to identify with a different type of music, or artist for this instance. What is even more inconceivable to me about Mac, is that i don’t really know why i am hooked with his music. I do not have a drug addiction, i do not have depression or any other phychological problem( at least that i am aware of), i am not an alcoholic, i don’t even have a rags to riches story to tell. We all have our hearts broken from time to time, but That’s life, what you gonna do?

What i believe is that he is so honest to himself and to his audience and speaks deep from his heart in the realest way possible. He knows what it feels like to be addicted to drugs and how much harm they can cause to anyone using. And that is what seperates him from most of the modern day rappers. He does not talk as if he is a thug, or as if being around drugs is something fun and lucrative. No, in his latest album, he seeks salvation.

Down below, now I know that the medicine be on call, yeah (Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme)….
Tell them they can take that bullshit elsewhere (Yeah)
Self care, I’m treatin’ me
Right, yeah Hell yeah
We gonna be alright (We gon’be alright)

Then again, he has a unique way of addressing love and sex, topics that have a prominent role in his songs. The Divine Feminine, is an album he wrote and completely dedicated to women. He felt their absence in the rap genre, in the audiences of his concerts as well as in the rap stage. This album, in which his at the time girlfriend Ariana Grande was featured, was his way of praising the greatest gender. However, his feelings took a toll on him. As they say, diamonds are created under pressure, so he did what he knew best: produced musical gems. He does not care if he “drowns” or if he is “out of order”. He feels dismantled, but as long as he is with her, it’s all Perfect.

If I drown I don’t care
They callin’ for me from the shore, I need more…
Yeah, tell me you love me spin me around
Pretty please pick me up in the air and don’t put me down
You seen it all unfold, sat back and watched
Knowin’ time don’t give a fuck about clocks until they stop
Bare feet, runnin’ late, her car is started
Even though the only thing that she driving, a hard bargain
More important is I’m kinda sorta out the door but
She put me back together when I’m out of order
Perfect.

What i love about this album is that you can actually witness his personality evolve and experience life, his ups and downs, literally unfold in front of us. In the next song, he describes being hurt and unable to feel this love anymore, his wings are broken, maybe irreversibly. Even if in the surface he tries to look strong and independent, he knows that when we fall, we need someone’s hand to hold while standing up.

I put some money on forever, but I (hey)
Don’t like to gamble on the weather, so I, just, watch, well/
Love so much that my heart get broke
I don’t really know how the normal shit go, so/
Nobody holdin’ my hand, no
Trust is a problem, never know how, yeah
That’s why I just keep to myself
Get what I need, then I’ll be out (please help me)

Unfortunatelly, he battled many years with depression and his mental health constantly worsened. He tried to fight back and rise by using alcohol and substances as antidotes to loneliness and sadness. He thought he was flying away from his inner demons with this jet fuel, but the truth is, he himself was being consumed, bit by bit.

Okay, okay, well I’ma be here for a while
Longer than I did expect to
I was out of town, getting lost till I was rescued
Now I’m in the clouds, come down when I run out of jet fuel
But I never run out of jet fuel

In the end, he only wanted to come back to his people and live a normal life back on earth. He needed a way out of his head, out of the alternate reality he had created. And, i believe, he made it, at least for a brief time.

My regrets look just like text I shouldn’t send
And I got neighbors, they’re more like strangers
We could be friends
I just need a way out of my head
I’ll do anything for a way out
Of my head…
In my own way, I feel like living
Some alternate reality
And I was drowning, but now I’m swimming
Through stressful waters to relief…

Above all, he was very kind and simple. In his latest gig before he passed away, it seems like he is happy and at peace with himself.

Nowadays all I do is shine, take a breath and ease my mind…

To be honest, i don’t have an answer for my initial question. But it doesn’t matter. Every relationship we build is unique and should be treated as such. However, our people are the ones that we should protect and keep close to us, because no matter how many riches you have, if you are lonely, it feels as if you are the poorest motherfucker on earth.


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